I was browsing idly around Dogpile yesterday when I encountered a link that led to this Russian page (the URI includes the word “trash,” so I intuit that the page may not be there forever). Look closely at the top two product pictures, evidently the front and back of some frozen snack-food package. I can’t read Russian (maybe my father-in-law will read the copy to me), so I profess total ignorance about the comestibles involved.
I want to make two observations, though. (1) I did not license the valuable “AKMA” brand to any Russian food manufacturers, so if you’ve been buying these. . . whatever on the premise that I endorse them, by all means disabuse yourself of that illusion. The Disseminary’s crack team of IP lawyers are drafting a cease-and-desist order right away.
(2) I am not the guy in that ludicrous get-up.
Posted by AKMA at February 7, 2004 10:07 AM | TrackBackSorry AKMA, from where I'm sitting the guy in that ludicrous get-up bears an uncanny resemblance to what many of us would imagine as "the young AKMA".
I look forward to your endorsement of the Russian version of the Dishmatique.
Posted by: Jonathon Delacour at February 7, 2004 03:31 PMThis is an ad designed by a design company:
Translation follows:
AKMA (brand) Products of quick preparation.
New Products:
Vermicelli made from flour of the highest sort with the use of absolutely huge eggs. Expressly for the preparation of this vermicelli a special breed of chickens was hatched, which lay absolutely huge eggs...
"Tumble-weed" Peanuts
These remarkable little nuts were cultivated especially for you! No kind of sunflower seed can substitute for this wonderful piquante taste. It will blow the minds of women (questionable translation!) Give up plucking peanuts from the teeth - they are so fascinating? Now you can occupy the whole family with these.
(Computer commands:) Company, Products, Recipes, Clients, Contracts; Send there, I don't know where, Bring it, I don't know what (weird indeed)
Potato puree with (word blocked)
Great puree with soft refined taste, which brings the sensation of fullness for the whole day?
Besides, you can always take it with you.
You will never forget the aroma of fresh greens of our remarkable puree. It will follow you everwhere. And the more you think about our puree, the more you will want it again.
Taste it. Don't (unknwn word)
More detailed about how not to (unknown word)
My translation is rather stilted but I am not sure I want to order any of this stuff myself.
Dick(father-in-law) Bamforth
I'm sorry, AKMA, I forgot to tell you I licensed your name to these people. They agreed to fund a seminar in the Ethics of Eating. I thought you'd be more pleased.
Posted by: Trevor at February 7, 2004 06:10 PMThat translations about right.
If you put both of them in the blender, you'd probably get:
"AKMA is a cultivated little nut with huge eggs"
You sure about refusing the endorsment now?? ;-)
Posted by: Stu Savory at February 8, 2004 05:32 AMI think 'the sensation of fullness for the whole day' should be this site's tagline.
Posted by: steve at February 8, 2004 07:57 AMShades of the Fishbulb episode of the Simpsons, where homer is convinced that a Japanese dish detergent company is using his face at Mr. Sparkle. http://www.snpp.com/episodes/4F18
Dick — many thanks! Your translation, umm, sets my mind at ease, kind of, concerning what the doublet-clad model is promoting under my name.
Jonathon, this is simply a sign that many people evidently have far more outlandish speculations about my misspent youth than are justified by the dull facts of the matter. But surely The Smoking Gun will come up with the relevant court documents sooner or later.
Steve — as you suggest!
Posted by: AKMA at February 8, 2004 08:11 PMThat's a great site!!!
Posted by: pato at February 13, 2004 04:50 AM
